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Whenever I'm stressed, I find myself making more trips to the cupboards, rummaging around for sweets or fats. Salty crunchy and cakey sweetness are my comforts. Well and ice cream. And cheesecake. And bread. I think in a lot of ways, fat is something to hide in. I've always been a little socially awkward and dealing with people sometimes scares me. I like my alone time. So put two and two together, and the fat becomes this insulation from the "normal" world and when I'm nervous or anxious, I fortify that barrier. I've outgrown the need for the barrier. I am not that painfully shy girl anymore (most of the time). I like being with people, and it's long past the time that I want to hide from relationships. But the barrier remains. I'm chipping away at it, but the daily struggle is a little wearing. Wouldn't it be easier to just crawl into my hermit shell and enjoy cake after cheesecake after donut after bag of chips? Would it be so bad to just become this crazy cat lady...well crazy dog lady who's 90 and alone? Yeah, a little. Not to say that if I stay this size I'm always going to be alone, nor am I now. I have family and friends who love me. But it's a bit of a challenge to attract the kind of guy I want at my current size. Not impossible, but also not likely. What is this rambling all about? I think I'm just brain dumping here so that I don't run off to the kitchen for another sugary snack. If I don't go get that cookie or those chips, I probably have a better shot at not becoming the crazy dog lady, but actually living to 90. It's a long, long road, but hey I'm not a quitter. Stumbling on the path is one thing, but giving up is quite another. Even if I lose a half pound a week, I'll get there sooner or later. If you're on this road, what keeps you going?
Your ending question is one I'm currently searching for an answer too myself! Right now, ease of clothes shopping is my motivation. I want to walk into a store and not have to scrounge through sizes! I don't see a date to this post...are you out of the slump yet? I'm finally out of my slump, thanks for asking! I know what you mean about clothes shopping. It's definitely a good motivator as well. I find that the best measure of my progress is how loose my jeans are :) I hope things are going well for you! What keeps me going. Hmmm. Well, I think mostly I just keep plugging away at it. Every day I say, "Okay, yesterday (or last week or last month or, in my case, the last 2 years) didn't go so well, but we're gonna give it nother shot today." Basically just keep on keepin on and try to remember that I'm worth it, just like those make-up ads say. :) |
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