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So... I always wonder what is going to throw me over the edge and make me quit this time. I always do well for a week or so and then in the middle of the second week, well, let's just say that I tend to binge. I have an eating disorder. I binge at night. There... I said it. To the world, I eat healthy. My boss's wife (who is a marathon runner and a size 4 or so with brand new boobs and the body that i used to have) says she sees me eating healthy and I'm like the healthiest person she has ever seen and she doesn't understand why I can't lose weight. She is really sweet and she is the one that made me realize this crazy facade that i was carrying around. Yes, I eat salads in front of everyone. Yes, i drink water in front of everyone. Then I go home and BINGE on everything. I might as well pull a chair in front of the pantry or fridge. But as the middle of the second week of doing Weight Watchers approached, I thought to myself, "Here we go... I'm going to binge ... and then it happened.......
I DEFEATED HER!!!!!! My biggest problem with continuing weigh tloss is the invisible princess in the cabinet that talks to me at night when my children go to bed. She calls my name, "Melisssssa..... Melissssa... there are chocolate chips in heeeerrrree..... a whole bag of deliciousness..... JUST FOR YOU!" I think to myself, "NO. I can't because it will mess up my whole day and I've counted my points and I've done my excercise." The Chocolate princess yells louder, " BUT<<< you can mix it with peanut buttttter!" NO NO NO i think. You are an evil princess and I shall not eat those chocolate chips. I deserve to be healthier! Eating those chocolate chips this late at night will only take every bit of work I've done and throw it out the window. The Chocolate princess yells even louder this time, "Hey... I'm getting tired of this whiney stuff. Get in here and eat this chocolate. You know it tastes good. You know you should eat it because you HAVE done so well today. You worked out this morning so you DESERVE to treat yourself. Now get in here and open these chocolate chips. Maybe you want a cookie? So what if they are the baby's teething cookies. They are sweet and yummy!! JUST eat something for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I've had enough," I say to her. "YOU ARE BANISHED! Chocolate princess be gone from my life! You are not going to make me feel unhealthy, sluggish, guilty, scared, fat, ugly, bored, or any other negative feeling TODAY. That's right .... I said TODAY. I don't know about tomorrow. TODAY>> I SHUN YOU AND I AM THE WINNER. I'm in control of my own destiny. I feel like if I put a funny little name on that voice in my head that gets me to eat, it will help. It certainly has for the last couple of days. I've had some crummy moments that I'd normally fold, but hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. If it's talking to imaginary princesses that will get me healthy, lean, and mean then that's what I'm going to do. |
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